I'm not actually smart enough or good enough at anything to do this.
Sorry Tumblr for overwhelming you with my feelings of failure and inadequacy. I’m frustrated with myself and I just want to go home and not finish this I don’t really care about my project anymore. It’s just this horrible stressful dark cloud of doom and it just makes me sad. I can’t post this stuff on facebook because people tell me how lucky I am and to be happy. So I have to post it on tumblr.
The emotional roller coaster that screams: OH MY GOD YOU DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH INFORMATION OR IDEAS WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU IDIOT YOU WILL FAIL
"Woah, Potter. You’re a genius. Look at that idea. Look at that research you did in French. Look how many words you’ve written. Look at all the extra days you have to write more! You’re in such good shape."
If I should have a daughter…“Instead of “Mom”, she’s gonna call me “Point B.” Because that way, she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint the solar system on the back of her hands so that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.”
She’s gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry, so the first time she realizes that Wonder-woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried.
And “Baby,” I’ll tell her “don’t keep your nose up in the air like that, I know that trick, you’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else, find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him.”
But I know that she will anyway, so instead I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boats nearby, ‘cause there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix. Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks chocolate can’t fix. But that’s what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything if you let it.
I want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat, to look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist on the pin point of a human mind. Because that’s how my mom taught me. That there’ll be days like this, “There’ll be days like this my momma said” when you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are the very days you have all the more reason to say “thank you,” ‘cause there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it’s sent away.
You will put the “wind” in win some lose some, you will put the “star” in starting over and over, and no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.
And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive but I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.
“Baby,” I’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier but your papa is a warrior and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.”
Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and always apologize when you’ve done something wrong but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.
Your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing and when they finally hand you heartbreak, slip hatred and war under your doorstep and hand you hand-outs on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.
“The Titanic sinks, the police arrest a murderer, and aliens threaten to conquer the earth! These are three examples of stories that make good melodrama, a popular dramatic form during many historical eras that continues to terrify, reassure, and propagandize audiences today.”—
Also aren’t all those things together an episode of Doctor Who? Like straight up?
Josh:Let's talk a little bit about what the judiciary committee's concerns would be. We can safely say reproductive rights are gonna come up.
Toby:They're going to say judicial activism, particularly in jury. How would you address that?Evelyn Baker Lang: And you're who?
Lang:Who are you? We're playing committee.
Josh:This will be coming from one of the eleven Republicans on Judicial.
Lang:You can know anything you want.
Josh:We don't know anything.
Lang:If you're Webster, the question is "Where do you stand on Roe v. Wade?" And the answer is "Judicial ruling shouldn't be based on personal ideologies, mine or anyone else's." If you're Davies, the question is "How would you approach the next case?" because he's the drum banger on partial birth. And the answer is "I don't comment on hypotheticals." If you're Malkin, you're from Virginia, so you're asking in re: Drury. I take you point by point from the doctor to the father to Casey to undue burden to equal protection back to Roe at which point you can't remember the question and I drink my water for a minute while you regroup.
Josh:Will you excuse us for a second? [leaves room] I love her. I love her mind. I love her shoes.
In this book on French Romantic Drama I’m currently reading the author just said, “It is not that the creation of a mythological world is unacceptable per se: one has only to look at the success of J.R. Tolkien’s Hobbitland, or of Mervyn Peake’s Gormenghast, in our own day.” Why didn’t he just call it Hobbiton? Or Middle-Earth more generally? I’m uncomfortable that I’m in an academic field where maybe nobody cared enough to correct this. Unless Hobbitland is a term used that I am just unfamiliar with?
me:I DID NOT LIVE THESE PEOPLE'S HEROES I WILL FOLLOW ON MY OWN HOW CAN I LIVE THEIR LITTLE SECRETS THERE A LITTLE TOUCH ONE DAY MORE TOMORROW YOU'LL BE REVOLUTION WE WILL NIP IT MIGHT HAVE KNOWN AND YET WITH YOU MY FOR THESE TOMORROW WE'LL BE FAR AWAY TOMORROW IS THE JUDGEMENT DAY
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